NM Esc
CAR EMOJI (🚗 🌅 )
yr hand on my leg turns the car
towards a springsteen kind of freedom
while i blue moon a cheap sopranos year
the death count rises & the sun
drips like hot sauce into a mezcal sea
peel back chewier skin
of carefree passport stamp nostalgia:
“nothing tastes as good as open borders feel”
& run across sixteen unyielding lanes of LA traffic
towards a skystamped netflix logo
towards your birthday
each day demagnetizes the ol’ moral compass
but if the forecast is another year in bed
i hope that yours stays one of them
cardiac trespass into mortal heaven
significant delays ahead—
you are still on the fastest route
there are [no] better ways to die
oh babes
inside this needful weakness
we cover up each mirror on the disco ball
to push inside the slick wet rot of grief work
i brake too hard i turn too sharp i tell you everything
my earnest luscious seafoam hymn
my latex baby seal destroyer
my goodness, i am absolutely kneeling
say i deserve this love poem,
egg yolk on yr lip
In the shadow of
:: was the sky ashy pink or salmon blush
am i stable enough for (all) this gemini ::
between coasts, wide expanse
of single-family sprawl
we cross on foot, euphoric thru the knee pain
light up dance flirt from the bottom of my platform shoes
it’s goth piss girl :
buttons unbuttoned, thumb hooked thru gold chain
the way a true queen
turn this whole damn club around
if not bleach blonde, if not button-down
who is the street boy in yr mind supply
if not clear-throated on a corner, where
to place all of that gestural, that glint
i’d drive fo(u)r hours for you any day
this viole(n)t country which unsaddles me
o pale bed death, o freckled cosmonaut
in service (to), i let myself be(come)
p33p shrin3
w/ alyn mare
we pay respects
by sprinkling bisexual glitter.
& writing tribute. life is what*?
a seriou/es of ~spirals~
/ there was this dream
out in the desert / pit-
stop for a night /
or for forever
we park the truck & then we park the truck again
***
—i send the vamp a beej emoji
then deny it (stop DMing me,
im literally a boy) (unless yr in2 that)
a portal: liquor store / in austin / sun-tired
/ wanted / 2 believe
2 queue
outside the gig
in perpetuity.
witness /
2b witnessed
im older but i don't know any better.
***
the cultural value of
post-soviet peroxide
Cyrillic fashion stock
xchange. illegibility? Armani.
Von Dutch my deviated sample
kroshka, size me down—
Adidas? always like this.
three stripes bar windows upp
& down every post-soviet
Bloc. 36 story drip. bratva.
otlichno. yo moyo.
could not b less cohesive:
late fall deadpan—
it’s a lavender collapse!
unload my genders
into someones mouth. their genders
down my chest.
a floral
chain bloom. blooms
for me.
***
the desert / empty halfpipe /
flowers from a j*hn
in offering
:: my d0g plz let the bundle not be fentanyl
protection spell:
circle of narcan pointed towards the bathroom
***
sometimes its gold that does the talking ::: look @ club lights
( Daddy / Crybaby / Holy Ghost ) ::: the journey of the fool
in2 a wanting crowd /// or coast 2 coast / in2 a waiting sky /
@ night / alone / together // it burns down :: ( Hellboy 2 Ponyboy )
(like y r u DMing me im literally inside the desert)
hellboy 2 genderFr3aQuency 2 sky
in the club everyone is cancelled
water sign
forever ours to drink
up in the desert
like a superbloom
we purify this ground
in fire & purple salt
reverent / imperfect
how a body leaves / forever
& revenant / comes back
***
preserve this portal
caught up on the dark side of a streetlight
where nothing grows and nothing ever dies
i mean, emo
has always been a falling dumb & deep
for anyone with shared references
who understood the melodrama
is just the melodrama
is also* infinite
the endless nothing
awfulthing
the glittering
the glo/ass
Neon Mashurov (NM Esc) is a writer from Brooklyn and the post-Soviet diaspora, a triple Sagittarius, and a chaotic bisexual, pursuing their MFA at UCSD. Their writing has appeared in We Want It All: An Anthology of Radical Trans Poetics, The Recluse, Peach Magazine, Hobart Pulp, & elsewhere.